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Sex embodies our spiritual, emotional, and relational selves. watching hockey games) simply so you can be together. Many couples live separate lives because they slowly drift into them. Before blaming him for running away emotionally and sexually, ask yourself if you have done anything to push him out.
If your husband has a low sex drive that isn’t due to health problems or addictions, then the best route to s solution is to work on your friendship. One night he comes home, and he’s tired so he slumps in front of the television instead of talking to her. And if you have, maybe it’s time to ask his opinion and start honoring it again.
And work provides an awfully strong temptation, because men tend to thrive when they feel competent.
Often when there is a problem in the marriage, it shows up in the bedroom. So we concentrate on strategies that have to do with sex—buying lingerie, playing risqué games, using toys, watching porn, and trying new things. Ladies, if something is important to your husband, it should matter to you.
In reality, the solution is often found outside the bedroom. If you want to spice things up, don’t look at the bedroom. Some men retreat simply because they get the impression they aren’t wanted, and so they try to carve out a place in the world where they can escape.
Other men have trouble with libido because they’re scared of sex itself.
One thirty-two-year-old woman who reports having sex less than once a month explains that the problem is her husband’s upbringing: “We’re still trying to work through the damage done by his parents’ fundamentalist teachings of sex, thus making him feel like sex is a bad thing.” Still others suffer from fear; fear they’re not good in bed, fear that they’re inadequate compared to their past lovers, or fear that they may experience erectile dysfunction.
For these emotionally based fears, the best defense is building your friendship and the trust in your relationship so that he knows you accept him completely.