I hate internet dating
Women talk about their feelings with much greater frequency and intensity, further feeding the perception/reality that they care more about relationships. Sex – Perhaps Charlie Sheen said it best, years ago, when talking about his predilection for prostitutes: “I don’t pay them for sex. We can separate sex and love, we define ourselves by our work, we don’t lack dating options, we get 95% of our needs met without female companionship, and we don’t talk about relationships nearly as much. Blame movies, Disney fairy tales, whatever you want but the fact remains that when your expectations don’t line up with reality, severe disappointment is the result.I pay them to leave.” There are a decent number of men out there who don’t really desire the same kind of relationship as you do. Men don’t need or want women in the same way women need or want men. As I look at that list, it occurs to me that most of my clients who are perfectly content being single are satisfied with their female friendships. So when they lack a partner, they’ll be disproportionately sadder than men, who just bury themselves in more work and (sometimes) play. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: men need more help; women ask for more help.My mom, for example: she volunteers at the hospital, she tap dances in the musical at her clubhouse, she plays canasta with the girls twice a week, she does Sudoku in her garden, she’s on the party-planning committee… Men are more likely to define themselves by their careers – What do I do? Then again, many of my smart, strong, successful clients also bury themselves in their work for a decade, and emerge from their cocoon of success and travel, only to learn that they’re really, really lonely. And nowhere is that clearer than in the realm of relationships.Surely these things apply to men just as much as women?
I just think there are more men than women who are okay with low-investment, low-return, that’s all. I remember reading somewhere that it was about 1 in 6 women vs. • 90% of the self-help market in bookstores is for women.When a man hangs out with another man, he’ll watch sports, play poker, talk trash, grab a few drinks, and maybe talk about whether he’s hooking up.This takes care of most of a man’s basic needs – for companionship, for laughs, for fun. This is unfortunate and short-sighted because nobody dies thinking that he wishes he had a 72” Sony instead of a 64” Vizio. Women, who are, in general, more emotional and intuitive, are more likely to define their lives by their relationships.I’m as sensitive as they come and I talk to my best friends in New York about once a month. As a result, Western women are very disappointed in their men, whereas men aren’t nearly as disappointed in women. We just hate the fact that you need us to change so much.In other words, even if men feel the emotional need to connect, they rarely reach out to do so – with each other, with their families, and with you. As a result of all of these biological and societal observations about men, it shouldn’t be too surprising that there are no Time Magazine cover stories or best-selling books about desperate men. Why are you okay not being in a relationship – and how is this different than the women you know? I agree that women have outlandishly unrealistic expectations for love and relationships.